Self-Care for Friends and Family Members
Self-Care for Friends and Family Members
If a loved one has been assaulted you may have many questions and emotions on your mind. This is normal. Seeing someone you love in pain can lead to a wide range of feelings, including:
Anger:
- Anger at the person who hurt your loved one. This can include:
- Desire for revenge
- Desire for justice
- Anger at the loved one. This can include:
- Anger that s/he wasn’t able to get out of the situation
- Anger that s/he got him or herself into a dangerous situation
- Frustration that s/he isn’t doing everything you suggest
- Anger that s/he isn’t “over it” yet
- Anger at yourself for not being able to protect your loved one. This can include:
- Guilt for not being around at the time of the attack
- Anger at yourself for not teaching the loved one how to protect him or herself
- Guilt for not being the one attacked (also known as survivor guilt)
- Frustration for not knowing how to help
- Anger at yourself for having any of these feelings
Sadness:
- Sadness that the victim is in so much pain
- Sadness that the victim’s innocence or purity has been taken away
- Sadness at how this has and will influence your relationship with the loved one
Shame:
- Fear of the shame that this assault may bring upon your family or community
So What Do I Do?
- First, it is important to understand that these feelings are normal and that seeing someone you care about hurt in this way can be a very confusing and difficult thing
- Read information about helping a loved one.
- Make sure that you are also taking care of yourself, you can’t be much help to the person you love if you aren’t doing ok yourself
- Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE or contact the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline for support for yourself
- Recognize that it is ok to take a break, if you are rejuvenated you will be more able to help.
- Go for a walk
- Listen to relaxing music
- Make a cup of tea
- Take a warm bath
- If you need additional counseling to help you with your feelings, contact your local crisis center to see if you can set up an appointment with a counselor.
